snorlaxatives:

i have no feelings or emotions just sarcasm running through my veins

f-r-eckled:

im like 25% funny and 85% bad at math

shakeweights:

my mom told me to get my work done or i’ll hate myself in the morning

jokes on you mom i already hate myself

hungarian:

sleeping naked is very dangerous bc if someone breaks into your house at night it would be very embarrassing to fight him off while naked